Flattering My Fair Lady (Part 2 of a series)

Flattery is Fallible

 “Words, words, words--I’m so sick of words! I get words all day through, first from him, now from you! Is that all you blighters can do?” -- Eliza Doolittle, My Fair Lady

Where kissing would be happening if he would shut up.

The above quote is taken from the opening of Eliza’s song “Show Me”, about halfway through the play. She is exasperated by Higgins, because nothing she does or says seems to please him. Further complicating her mood is Freddy, a young man of society who is hopelessly infatuated with her, despite only having met her briefly. Freddy seems convinced that she is a goddess incarnate and expresses his love for her in the most flowery of poetic terms. These showers of unfounded praise serve only to frustrate Eliza further, prompting the ranting in “Show Me”. I find three key principles of communication in this song, and this post contains the second.
(Yes, I copied the intro paragraph from the last post. If you remembered it, why did you read it?)

The second fellow in Eliza’s life is Freddy, eager to sing her praises and shower her with compliments. But he inflates her in his mind and with his words to goddess-like proportions of beauty and charm after having but a few conversations with her about the weather (which she hilariously blundered).  His words of praise ring hollow because they are founded in little truth.  Anyone, especially Liza herself, can recognize the hyperbolic nature of his compliments.

This is the converse to my previous point: while too much criticism crushes the soul, praise is only meaningful when it springs from truth.  A boss who bestows compliments upon employees indiscriminately may cause them to have a high opinion of themselves temporarily, but if they realize that the kind words are unfounded, then the kind words lose all meaning and can even be perceived as condescending.  (If someone does not recognize insincere flattery, then you’ll have a person with a head so full of hot air that she can’t stay on the ground long enough to accomplish anything....that’s another problem.)

I delight in telling my good friends how highly I think of them or of some accomplishment of theirs--I am ever impressed by their talents, their way with words, or the charm or compassion with which they respond to a situation. Of course, to me, my husband is "the best husband". This is suitable to our relationship because I know him. I am acquainted with his faults and familiar with his virtues. When I say that he is "so very wonderful", it is because I have in mind all of the stories he's read aloud to me, all of the dinners he's cooked when I've been sick or tired, the games he's taught me to play and the conversations we've relished together. He is not merely wonderful because he is handsome or well-spoken or other superficial evidence.

I can sincerely compliment the Pittsburgh Symphony Orchestra on its masterful playing of Beethoven's 5th Symphony, because I have listened to the piece a hundred times by various orchestras, and I have developed a familiarity with the piece and I value its nuances and expressions. Thus, upon hearing their production of it, I can rest certain that it was a stellar performance, true to the spirit of the piece, and well-conducted. It was not excellent simply because everything was in tune and it kept me awake.

The key is that true compliments stem from a deep appreciation and love of the object of the compliment. Compliments can only arise given an accurate understanding of someone or thing, and are made more sincere in proportion to their truthfulness.

Educating My Fair Lady

Educate, Don’t Exasperate

 “Words, words, words--I’m so sick of words! I get words all day through, first from him, now from you! Is that all you blighters can do?” -- Eliza Doolittle, My Fair Lady

Really? More rain in Spain?

The above quote is taken from the opening of Eliza’s song “Show Me”, about halfway through the play. She is exasperated by Higgins, because nothing she does or says seems to please him. Further complicating her mood is Freddy, a young man of society who is hopelessly infatuated with her, despite only having met her briefly. Freddy seems convinced that she is a goddess incarnate and expresses his love for her in the most flowery of poetic terms. These showers of unfounded praise serve only to frustrate Eliza further, prompting the ranting in “Show Me”. I find three key principles of communication in this song, and today I'd like to address the first.

The professor bombarded Eliza with words: how to dress, how to eat, how to sit, how to speak.  Not only did he lecture at length about these things, but he also assigned her words and phrases to iterate as exercises in correct pronunciation.  These word exercises were then followed by verbal feedback--mostly critical and derisive.  “You always ____.”  “If you would just _____.”  “Why must you be so______?” Professor Higgins glossed over any progress she was making with a cursory remark of satisfaction to spend the majority of the time focusing on what she was doing wrong, so that he showed little appreciation at all for her effort.

My Fair Lady's Words

 “Words, words, words--I’m so sick of words! I get words all day through, first from him, now from you! Is that all you blighters can do?” -- Eliza Doolittle, My Fair Lady

I enjoy musicals an awful lot--as far as stage productions go, they generally rank highest in my book. I have not seen as many shows as some theatergoers, but I appreciate those which I have seen, and they stick with me long after the curtain falls. One of my favorites is My Fair Lady. At the opening of the play you meet Eliza, a young woman with a thick Cockney accent who makes her living selling flowers in the market. She runs into one young Professor Higgins, who is a specialist in phonetics, and he takes her in as a sort of linguistic experiment. He intends to prove that as much as “clothes make the man”, so too do words. In addition to dressing Eliza in the clothes of a proper lady and introducing her to polite society, he subjects her to rigorous lessons in elocution and conversation. In the end, she turns out as the very picture of a society lady (with the notable exception of her fiery demeanor). Her spirit endears her to the professor, who finds that he can’t do without her, and the play ends with the two of them falling oddly in love. The whole play is a witty exploration of the importance of language, which is part of why it is one of my favorites.

A Follow-up to "What Do You Mean by 'Communication'?"

My dear father and Socratic teacher, Wayne Unks, was kind enough to probe thoroughly into the meaning of my previous post. I started replying in the comments, but...it really just got too long. His comments were:

"Must mutual understanding be achieved in order for an exchange of thoughts to be considered communication?"
and
"...if the recipient doesn't understand the sender's thoughts and, according to the above definition, communication did not happen, then what did take place? With respect to your analogy, a download still occurred - data got to the intended destination. It may not be useable (i.e. understood), but the download took place. The same can be true of sharing - I may share an object with you, you receive it (hear or read it in the case of a thought exchange), but don't make use of it (or understand it). That doesn't mean I didn't share with you."

My reply is as follows:

What Do You Mean by "Communication"?

So I've got this talk about communication, and how it's so important and the heart of human interaction and all this. But then I thought, well, a bloody lot of good these ideas do anyone if the reader and I aren't on the same page.  So here is my attempt to define this expansive term.

How to Demonstrate that You Don't Care

"I want them to think big, but everyone keeps doing the same small-time stuff." "They think I don't care, but I really want to move us forward." If these phases sound familiar, it may be that you're doing a great job of sending mixed signals. A lack of consistency is the quickest way to communicate, "I don't care".

This cat is indifferent to your plight.

Care about what? People. Whether it's your co-worker, daughter, friend, brother, wife--in any case, a lack of consistency discourages people from trusting you to care about them. The list below gives six examples of these inconsistent behaviors.

7 Reasons to Write (and Publish It)

You can't be a thought leader if you're not generating original content. If all you're doing is sharing, re-tweeting, and re-posting, then you are following, not leading. Without writing, all I can accomplish is to serve as an amplifier for the people with the microphone. And no one goes to their speakers to brainstorm new ideas or ask for advice on a problem. They go to the source.

Pictured: the forward progress made by only reposting.

So why bother being a source? It's a lot of work, especially if it's not your main job. (I'm only just discovering this myself.) Here are five seven reasons why it's worth the extra effort to create original content: