Think about the most crowded city you've ever driven through - What chaos would ensue if everyone interpreted traffic lights differently? If the direction of traffic on roadways were up to the individual driver to decide? There would be hundreds of accidents every day, if not every minute. No one could get through the streets and motor transportation would become ineffectual.
Anything does not go. Rules - which establish expectations for the behavior of those around us - are essential for effective, efficient interaction. This is crucial in driving. I believe it is essential for communication.
"But," one may argue, "these really aren't the same thing at all! Forgetting punctuation marks and using slang or unclear words is like forgetting to put on the turn signal...or at worst like running a red light. Other people notice, they honk their horns, but usually everything works out just fine."
Ah! Maybe so. But such an objection assumes that everyone else is following the rules of the road, and only one person acted contrary to them. But in conversation - whether typed, spoken, texted or tweeted - it is the vast majority who "run the red light" and only a few who consistently use their turn signals appropriately.
On the road, such wide disregard for standard practice would result in endless collisions. In interpersonal relationships, this inattention readily manifests its effects as well: fighting-as-normal between partners and spouses, gross misunderstandings between parents and children, employees who feel that management is uncaring and disconnected from life "in the trenches". How many times have you heard the complaint, "She never listens to me"? Or lamented, yourself, that "they will never understand"?
So much of these disconnected, dysfunctional scenarios could be avoided if we recall and reinforce some standards for communication. I've listed several below; these and many others I will address as I continue to post.
- Everyone's watching - Your body language should match your words
- Take control - Rather than allowing someone to infer incorrectly, speak up and set the record straight
- Always assume the best intentions - Most people aren't actually out to get you
- No road rage - It doesn't help in driving and it doesn't help in dialogue
- Listen - You've expressed yourself; now let others express themselves to you
- Consistency - Your words and actions must align, or no one will feel like they can trust you
- Know yourself - If you don't understand your reasoning, desires, and motivations, how can others?
- Forgive - Yes, yes, "forgive and forget" - but really, chances are that the current offense is not connected to what ticked you off 5 minutes or 5 days ago. No need to drag that into the fray.
This is only scratching the surface, but they are simple tactics that frequently get lost in emotionally-driven situations, and bear repeating. What are some tactics that you have used to maintain an open communication line?
