How to Demonstrate that You Don't Care

"I want them to think big, but everyone keeps doing the same small-time stuff." "They think I don't care, but I really want to move us forward." If these phases sound familiar, it may be that you're doing a great job of sending mixed signals. A lack of consistency is the quickest way to communicate, "I don't care".

This cat is indifferent to your plight.

Care about what? People. Whether it's your co-worker, daughter, friend, brother, wife--in any case, a lack of consistency discourages people from trusting you to care about them. The list below gives six examples of these inconsistent behaviors.


- Implement a new program that your employees requested, but with a low budget as a side project for an already-overwhelmed department. When the program flops, declare that as proof that it never was a good idea.
Bonus points: Suggest to said overburdened department that they didn't care enough and that you're disappointed in their attitude toward progress.

- Request opinions and honest feedback. Object vehemently to the contrary opinions, preferably with dismissive remarks about the opposition's character.
Bonus points: Be level-headed instead, saying that you value these new ideas, then proceed to ignore them as if you never heard them. See current U.S. politicians for a case study in this.

- Encourage your partner to suggest some new activities for you two. When she suggests one that you don't like, discourage it based on a stipulation that you did not set initially.
Bonus points: Cover this stipulation with a transparent excuse.

- "Delegate" your least favorite tasks to a co-worker or subordinate. When he asks why it's now his job, say that your "time is too valuable" and that it is low on your priorities.
Bonus points: If it's menial, add in that you know he's "good at this sort of thing" to underscore that you do not see him as valuable or talented.

- When things go wrong, deflect blame to the person to whom you gave instructions. Ignore that you gave those instructions incorrectly or failed to follow through on your end.
Bonus points: When she provides proof that she did everything she could, suggest that the whole process was terrible and she should have known better (especially good if the process was beyond her control).

- Be unorganized, busy, and forgetful, while still demanding all approval to go through you, so that all major decisions are avoided by missing the deadline for them. Ignore the possible ramifications of missing the deadline.
Bonus points: Grant a certain amount of autonomy in an effort to remedy the situation. Reprimand arbitrary instances when others use this autonomy, so that they end up getting your approval every time anyway.

As these scenarios demonstrate, saying one thing and doing another seriously hurt your relationship with those around you. This disconnect undermines trust, inhibits cooperation, and counters any restorative measures you may be taking.  What are some examples of what not to do that you've seen?