Flattering My Fair Lady (Part 2 of a series)

Flattery is Fallible

 “Words, words, words--I’m so sick of words! I get words all day through, first from him, now from you! Is that all you blighters can do?” -- Eliza Doolittle, My Fair Lady

Where kissing would be happening if he would shut up.

The above quote is taken from the opening of Eliza’s song “Show Me”, about halfway through the play. She is exasperated by Higgins, because nothing she does or says seems to please him. Further complicating her mood is Freddy, a young man of society who is hopelessly infatuated with her, despite only having met her briefly. Freddy seems convinced that she is a goddess incarnate and expresses his love for her in the most flowery of poetic terms. These showers of unfounded praise serve only to frustrate Eliza further, prompting the ranting in “Show Me”. I find three key principles of communication in this song, and this post contains the second.
(Yes, I copied the intro paragraph from the last post. If you remembered it, why did you read it?)

The second fellow in Eliza’s life is Freddy, eager to sing her praises and shower her with compliments. But he inflates her in his mind and with his words to goddess-like proportions of beauty and charm after having but a few conversations with her about the weather (which she hilariously blundered).  His words of praise ring hollow because they are founded in little truth.  Anyone, especially Liza herself, can recognize the hyperbolic nature of his compliments.

This is the converse to my previous point: while too much criticism crushes the soul, praise is only meaningful when it springs from truth.  A boss who bestows compliments upon employees indiscriminately may cause them to have a high opinion of themselves temporarily, but if they realize that the kind words are unfounded, then the kind words lose all meaning and can even be perceived as condescending.  (If someone does not recognize insincere flattery, then you’ll have a person with a head so full of hot air that she can’t stay on the ground long enough to accomplish anything....that’s another problem.)

I delight in telling my good friends how highly I think of them or of some accomplishment of theirs--I am ever impressed by their talents, their way with words, or the charm or compassion with which they respond to a situation. Of course, to me, my husband is "the best husband". This is suitable to our relationship because I know him. I am acquainted with his faults and familiar with his virtues. When I say that he is "so very wonderful", it is because I have in mind all of the stories he's read aloud to me, all of the dinners he's cooked when I've been sick or tired, the games he's taught me to play and the conversations we've relished together. He is not merely wonderful because he is handsome or well-spoken or other superficial evidence.

I can sincerely compliment the Pittsburgh Symphony Orchestra on its masterful playing of Beethoven's 5th Symphony, because I have listened to the piece a hundred times by various orchestras, and I have developed a familiarity with the piece and I value its nuances and expressions. Thus, upon hearing their production of it, I can rest certain that it was a stellar performance, true to the spirit of the piece, and well-conducted. It was not excellent simply because everything was in tune and it kept me awake.

The key is that true compliments stem from a deep appreciation and love of the object of the compliment. Compliments can only arise given an accurate understanding of someone or thing, and are made more sincere in proportion to their truthfulness.